I was wandering around my grandparents basement this evening. This basement holds so many memories for me. My grandpa built just about everything in that basement, from the bookshelves to the beds. On this one wall are piles of encyclopedias and books of any topic you could probably conjure up in your head. So I sat there soaking in… well… life. I just read how Kathryn and her team in India shared the Gospel with more than 1000 people. I just had a conversation with my grandmother that consisted of me answering the same question five or six times (she kept forgetting my answer), and each time she would get a genuine smile and give me an encouraging word. I just talked to my uncle about how God is working in his life, all he could tell me was that he probably wouldn’t be doing as well as he is now. That he constantly draws strength from God. So I sat… staring. “How do I differentiate between the useful stuff and the useless stuff?”

My heart is tired. I have become lethargic. Distractions have become my release. I want the holy spirit to destroy the pieces of me that I still cling to. The parts that destroy my zeal and passion for telling others about Jesus Christ. Things that downplay the reality of Jesus.

So many of the Blogs I have been reading have been so encouraging. People are beginning to step out in faith, in spite of their own worries and fears.

I’d like to share the beginning of that song I was talking about earlier. I will tell you that I wrote it after I had an deep discussion with a friend and didn’t pray with them afterwards. I’ll let you read into the rest.

Another fight today
Words destroy the best of friends
My heart cries out I need your love
Unsatisfied I walk away

‘Cause love is more than you and me
Love come from God who sets us free

Well thats it so far, its not American Idol material but it says what my heart has a hard time showing.

I don’t want to stop talking to my Father. so often I get wrapped up in the procedure I forget about the motivation.

I’m done

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I know that I have not updated lately, but let me tell you now that God is working in my life, more than ever. I just got an e-mail from Kathryn (She is in India right now) To hear the ways that God is coming true in the place that they are visiting. To hear how they have spoken and have touched the lives of many. She shares how they went in to places that have never seen white people. That a lot of the attention is on them, what a great opportunity to give all that attention back to Christ. WOW, WOW, WOW! I can’t get over Him! I am in tears while I type this. I want Christ to be in every part of me, so that when the time comes for a test I will respond the way he wants me to.

I just came back from a leadership retreat. This retreat was not like any other I have been to. Instead of being given a stirring emotional experience, I was given skills! Tools to take with me to deepen my walk with Jesus on this earth. I can’t tell you what this means. I can tell y’all that I will need accountablility. Lots of it.

I just got my info packet from Pioneers International and I have to raise $500 in 9 days. Now before I started with this project I told my self that I would let God raise the money for this. So now I am faced with a road block, do I take the easy way out and pay the money out of pocket or do I prayerfully wait and trust that God will provide. Understand that I am not going to test God, I know that he is big enough to give me what I need money or not. If I take over this task there will be no room for God and his message of salvation. Ok well I will cut this blog short expect something tomorrow, but don’t hold me to that.

Night

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Sometimes I wonder if life actually has a speed dial. You know where things seems to go at snail’s pace and then suddenly tasks and events just pass you by. You are helpless to effect or affect, just along for the ride. I got the opportunity to attend a concert of prayer to send off a team from Kingdom Building Ministries to India. One of my good friends is the leader of this team. Let me tell you she has done an amazing job. I could tell you about all the time and effort or the struggles and trials she had to overcome, but I wont. The only thing I saw was her desire to stay in the Father and glorify him through everything. Praise God! for he is the giver of life.

How much of what I am doing today will burn up in the judgement fire? I think its all a matter of motivation. I could be doing so many good things in the world. God knows there are people who do good but don’t have a relationship with him. It is no longer so important to me that I constantly do good things. None of those good things will be in the name of the Father, Jesus Christ, if he does not tell me to do that or go there. I want to be so close to God that I would feel his heart beat, That I would smell his sweetness. That I would know his power. He can use me to enact change in huge ways.

Well I have to bail to enact some more change. See ya.

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