Well, a lot has happened since my last post. I’ll dive right in. I ran my first five miles yesterday, my first five miles ever! I can’t tell you how weird it is for me to be able to do that. For the longest time I have considered myself the epitome of non-athleticism. I guess I see it in a different light now.
I am still going to Bosnia next month. I can’t believe how close it is. It has been hard to keep my focus on the tasks that must get finished before I leave. God has been pulling me out of my comfort zone once again as I approach friends and family for the funding needed to travel and live there. I said it once and I will say it again. If there is anything I need it is prayer. I am leaving my job and it seems to be creating quite the uproar. I won’t go into it but it is hard leaving a position where I feel like I have been able to help so many. However, I know that my work is not there (not yet at least). I was lying in bed the other morning, I was contemplating the path I was taking and the possibility that I had it all wrong. Was I supposed to stay in my job, continue there and begin thinking about my retirement fund. (That sounds so weird to me now.) Now before I tell you this next part, know that I am very careful about what I say when I think God has spoken to me. As I was mulling all this over, a thought overtook me. Phrased as if coming from Jesus. “What if I really did send you? and you are following in my footsteps.” It was then that I realized that I had not yet accepted that this was my calling. To teach in Bosnia and be a light to the people there. Then begin my education full time. In my travels through the book of Exodus, it is interesting to see the personage of Moses and how in many ways it is similar to mine. I am not a man of words, I don’t speak very well and I don’t see myself as a leader. Of course when Moses brings these facts to light, God responds
“Who makes mouths?” the LORD asked him. “Who makes people so they can speak or not speak, hear or not hear, see or not see? Is it not I, the LORD?
Exodus 4:11
Moses complains again, and God gives Moses’ brother as help and says.
You will talk to him, giving him the words to say. I will help both of you to speak clearly, and I will tell you what to do.
Exodus 4:15
Ok, moving on. I was reading an article written by the lead singer of Jars of Clay. I won’t go in depth but it talked about what it might mean to bring the “full weight” of who you are into friendships and community. Recognizing that as a follower of Christ I am both the “walking wounded, and the perpetually healed” (Haseltine 38) If I really want true friendships I must bring the bad with the good. I agree that the people I feel most comfortable around are the ones that aren’t afraid to acknowledge their short comings. By acknowledging my own issues I give others permission to do the same. I often find I censor myself, thinking “They definitely won’t want to know that” or “They won’t care about the fact that I feel…” So I am encouraged by the fact that there is no need to be fake with my friends. Although, I think it is important to have boundaries. There are some topics that belong only between myself, God and a few close friends. I think its important that I evaluate my boundaries often, am I guarding my heart or am I protecting my pride. These boundaries are probably most important when I begin to deal with the opposite sex. Things that I feel are big stepping stones in my walk with God might be seen as intimate details to a female friend. Making the situation awkward at best. How “deep” we get with each other is a tough line to draw. If I have learned anything, its that if you don’t decide ahead of time how much is too much, you will probably reveal too much, and could hamper an otherwise healthy friendship.
Thank you to all my friends who keep up with this blog. Your thoughts, words and prayers have been with me through all this.
Bibliograpy
Haseltine, Dan. “Your Whole Self.” Relevant Magazine Mar. 2006: 38.
